Battle Royale: French Monarchs
Passing judgement on all the Kings and Emperors of France from Clovis to Napoleon III. Each episode, Ben recounts the story of a monarch to Eliza, then together they decide on how to score them in 5 categories. But who will they select as the crème de la crème, and who will they send to the Guillotine? Proudly inspired by the Rex Factor podcast.
Episodes
104 episodes since 2021
57.5 - Marguerite de Valois (Queen Margot), Part 1
The last surviving of the Valois, this beautiful and intelligent princess is often seen as either a victim or a villain, but the memoirs she left behind and the reevaluation of modern historians show a different side to her story. She was a wom...
September 12, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 57
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58:46
Ranking Roundup #3 - The House of Valois
Au revoir, Valois! We have now ranked all the kings of France belonging to the House of Valois, the cadet branch of the Capetian dynasty which reigned supreme from 1328 to 1589. Before they take a well-earned break and start gearing up for the ...
August 24, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 57
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44:01
57 - Henry III
This week we delve into the treacherous, tumultuous and frankly bizarre reign of King Henry III, who is certainly unlike any other king we've seen thus far! Will his entertaining shenanigans earn him a place in the tournament? And how much of h...
August 12, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 57
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1:32:39
56.5 - Catherine de' Medici, Part 2
This episode, we close out Catherine de' Medici's life and give her a score. How does this notorious queen measure up against the likes of Charlemagne and Philip Augustus?⚜️ Visit our
July 29, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 56
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1:35:49
56.5 - Catherine de' Medici, Part 1
In our first part of the endlessly fascinating life that is Catherine de' Medici's, we chart her rise from an orphaned Italian "merchant's daughter" to the Queen-Mother of Europe's most prestigious kingdom. Next episode, we will conclud...
July 26, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 56
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1:06:01
56 - Charles IX
There will be blood.⚜️A summary of the major political figures in this episode (most of whom will be dead by the end):Catherine de' Medici, ruling on behalf of her son Charles IX, a moderating force between the fa...
July 06, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 56
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1:21:08
55 - Francis II (ft. Mary, Queen of Scots)
After the sudden demise of his father, young Francis II struggles to grasp his new responsibilities as King of France. Meanwhile, his ambitious young wife Mary Stuart and her relatives, the Guise family, make their first big bid for power. And ...
June 23, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 55
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1:01:46
54 - Henry II
He's the husband of Catherine de' Medici, the lover of Diane de Poitiers, the father-in-law of Mary, Queen of Scots. Can Henry II stand out in a period dominated by these legendary women? How will he fare against the might of the Hapsburg Empir...
June 08, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 54
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1:20:04
53 - Francis I (Part 2)
It's time to pass judgement on Francis I, deciding whether or not King Big-Nose deserves the guillotine! With this monarch, we enter a new age of Protestant rebellions, American colonialism and Hapsburg domination. Did Francis rise to m...
April 27, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 53
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1:19:52
53 - Francis I (Part 1)
The long-awaited Renaissance king has finally arrived! This episode we go through the big moments his life from birth to death, from his famous meeting with Henry VIII at the Field of Cloth of Gold to his disastrous imprisonment in Spain. <...
April 21, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 53
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1:06:21
52.5 - Louise of Savoy
From unwanted daughter to first lady of France, this episode we chart the gradual rise of Louise of Savoy - the mother, mentor and "great regent" of King Francis I. We'll see how she measures up to other French rulers of her time, and s...
April 07, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 52
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1:20:03
52 - Louis XII (Part 2)
Now that we've done his life, let's pass judgement on Louis XII, AKA the Porcupine! Does he deserve a place among the great kings of French history, or is he just another snack for the guillotine?⚜️ Visit our
March 24, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 52
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1:23:27
52 - Louis XII (Part 1)
After a life spent in second place to his royal cousins, how will the Duke of Orléans fare with his new promotion to King of France?Stay tuned for Part 2, where we discuss Louis's legacy and rate him, with special appearances from porcu...
March 17, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 52
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1:06:04
51.5 - Anne of Brittany (Part 2)
In Part 2, we learn of Anne's second marriage and her ultimate fate! Does she deserve the score she got? Were the unicorn tapestries inspired by her? Was she the Taylor Swift of her time? Flock to our social media and let us know!...
March 03, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 51
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1:12:48
51.5 - Anne of Brittany (Part 1)
This episode, we take a brief detour from the Valois boys to visit gorgeous Brittany and give our latest queen, Anne, her own episode, as she was also a fierce ruler in her own right, and fought for her independence from a very young age.
February 25, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 51
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1:01:45
51 - Charles VIII (Part 2)
As we reach the shocking end of Charles the Affable, we'll see how he measures up to his fellow kings of France. ⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, scor...
February 11, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 51
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1:12:24
51 - Charles VIII (Part 1)
Charles VIII's exciting and storied reign takes us on an adventure (i.e. invasion) of Italy at the height of the Renaissance and all the soap-opera-worthy drama of the Medici, Sforza and Borgia families. In Part 1, we learn what led him t...
February 04, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 51
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49:51
Regency of Madness - Results & Quiz!
It's time for us to close up a loose end and finally announce the winner of the Regency of Madness mini-tournament. And to help refresh our memories, Ben has also trapped Eliza in a quiz! So put on your thinking chapeaux, and get ready for some...
January 29, 2024
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Season 2
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Episode 6
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27:41
50.5 - Anne of France
Also called Anne de Beaujeu or Madame la Grande, this princess inherited all the best traits of her father the Universal Spider. Like him she was cunning and ruthless, yet she also had an eye for art and literature, updating the court for the n...
January 20, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 50
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1:27:12
50 - Louis XI (Part 2)
Louis XI, the Universal Spider, is perhaps the ultimate antihero. We've rooted for him every step of the way as he takes down his enemies and returns France to its former glory. But how will this translate in his scores? Will he beat Charles VI...
January 06, 2024
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Season 1
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Episode 50
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1:07:02
50 - Louis XI (Part 1)
France may be out of the Hundred Years' War, but it's not out of the woods, and none knows this better than the suspicious, cynical and sinister character that is Louis XI. After an early life spent bickering with his father and fellow princes,...
December 31, 2023
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Season 1
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Episode 50
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1:01:42
Introducing Battle Royale: French Mistresses
We hope you are all enjoying the festive season! We have a very special Christmas present for you all this year, and it's the gift of the scandal, skullduggery and saucy shenanigans that are in store as we commence our much-anticipated spinoff ...
December 23, 2023
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Season 1
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Episode 49
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11:22
49 - Charles VII
He may be "Charles the Victorious", for finally ending the Hundred Years' War, but this king has a somewhat mixed reputation among historians. This episode, we learn what happened after Joan of Arc and the Regents of Madness, and how France rec...
December 17, 2023
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Season 1
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Episode 49
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1:24:35
48.5 - Joan of Arc (Part 2)
It's all downhill from here.🔥⚜️Recommended reading from this episode:Helen Castor, Joan of Arc: A His...
December 03, 2023
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Season 1
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Episode 48
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50:00
48.5 - Joan of Arc (Part 1)
The Maid of Orléans is well-known for having taken the intricate chessboard of the Hundred Years' War, tipped it upside down, kicked it across a field and scored a game-changing goal for the Blues after decades of decline. In the first ...
November 26, 2023
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Season 1
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Episode 48
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56:31